when you just don't know

   i've been so scared.
it's 2015, i have no idea what i'll be doing this year, for the first time in a looong time. 
caregiving has been my "calling," it's fulfilled me, stretched me, and been my life for the last 5 years. not this year. what the heck is He thinking? or doing?

but i love the fact that, when He stirs something in my heart, He's got a plan. the waiting in what sucks. the not knowing.
in the last 2 or so months, i've wrestled, tried to figure out, checked into options, gotten discouraged. 
finally i realized (duh) He really wanted me to just be still, wait, and trust Him. i was reminded by a source, to receive this waiting and unknown as a gift. aha! it really works! when i thank Him for the time, and space to love my friends and family, serve in the church, and draw even closer to Him, love life, my heart is filled with such peace and satisfaction.
it's weird, but i seem to remember learning this lesson many times ago. i knew it. but we get in these ruts, all by ourselves, and just let our wheels spin, forgetting that God wants to drive our johndeer, He wants to help us out. 

so, even though this next step looks scary, alone, and big, if i can trust Him all the way, let Him provide, i think i'll be ok. 

God, your will be done.

here's the pen, be my author
here are the reigns, be the guide
here are the wheels, be my johndeer

your rose gal

mickey boy

  his name was Jay.
but we called him mickey boy.

i opened the door to his room monday, knowing i'd have to face that moment eventually. mickey's still there, and every reminder that jay had been there. his lotions, wipes and cloths, all neatly set on a shelf.
but so empty. no life, no smile to greet me, no hand reaching out to touch my eyes. no mickey boy.
i sat and breathed it all in, letting the tears roll. 
then i was reminded of the gift. 
his life. his smile, his hands touching our eyes, his affection for everyone. even his spunk when he gave the finger at someone he was mad at. 

he was a light, a spark.
he was a gift.

mickey boy,
you will be missed.
thank you for sharing life with us. 
i hope they had mickey mouse and hamburgers for you when you passed to glory!

see you soon

~rosa